Ho! Ho! Ho!
You've all been good boys and girls, well most of you anyway. So here are some gifts that Santa has put under the tree.
If there isn't a gift with your label on blame my elf who had a slight problem with the technology and lost the original checklist. For those whose names do not appear, there are special gifts, in stockings. You'll know what those are.
Everyone gets a stocking with a satsuma, 12 shiney pennies (old money or chocolate whichever you prefer), a selection box, a small toy of your choice, and a christmas cracker).
admin annie - weekend at a luxurious Health Spa in the company of Sean Bean
andycrlucan - "Golden" acrylic paints and sable brushes and Roberson's canvasses (only the best!) and a night out with admin annie so that you can dance like Fred and Ginger.
Aperitif - a date with Johnny Depp - who knows where that will lead!
Annasee - magic harp - it plays all the music whilst you read a nice book, knit, or browse the internet.
Anne P - lifetime's supply of cashmere and other lovely yarns
Aunt Dahlia - a weekend at jonnies hotel
Belinda - a magic bottle of Glenfiddich, when you're down to the last drop it refills itself
Big Sister - Cashmere jumpers for everday of the week, and a case of booze, including Sancerre, Rum, Drambuie and Top Notch Cabernet Sauvignon
Charles Hatton - magic Speedos (don't ask me what the magic bit is for you'll have to try them)
chLuke - magic golf clubs, you win every game!
Chris, London - your golf ball (found it on the beach)
Doctor Hackenbush - A Clash Concert reunited as far as is possible solely for his entertainment - and all the albums
Ed I - Controlling shares in Guiness
FFred - lifelong season ticket for London Irish & Harlequins
Fifi - A vineyard and winery to make her a lifetime's supply of Shiraz
Frances O - glorious rug made by LadySnorkPen AND some long butter soft gloves
gossipmistress - a date with James Bond or George Clooney, or George Clooney playing James Bond.
HelenSparkles - shell earings made with fine silver wire by LadySnorkPenMaiden
Jason Good - lifetimes supply of rose and lemon Turkish Delight, a Mutley Key Ring and a Thesaurus, and a Wii - you get four pressies because they were quite modest requests and a Wii is an excellent choice. If you really get one we can share Mii's and play games online!
Mark Intime - a complete set of all Airfix kits relating to military equipment. (Can't do much damage with that, but probably worth a bomb now)
Molly - tickets to panto of choice with favourite celebrities of choice
Mrs Naughtie - your stockings returned by Leslie Williams (new suspender belt to accompany)
Mrs Trellis - a new twinset with pearls
Perky - new mobile phone and camera
RobbieJohnDo - a magic bottle with endless tipple of your choice, and the highest quality, smallest digital radio in the world.
Sara - magic cigarettes, no health risk, no nasty smells, with diamond studded holder for sheer elegance
Simon Worrall - his own restaurant with the best chefs in the business to either cook or assist him in cooking as he wishes
Stainless Steel Cat - a beautifully carved piece of wood by Steve, so that you can touch it for luck and your mother's health
Stewart M - Electronic OS maps that work on my PDA
Val P - frying pan that makes smiley faces on the food, and a crate of Fernando de Castilla PX sherry that'll make your face smile.
whisht - a weekend in a luxury hotel with spa and massage facilities.
Mr Knibbs - a basket on the beach, turkey flavoured pet treats, a festive litter box, and a toy mouse with silver bells on
Lissa - a complete aromatherapy set for the bathroom, candles, oils, fluffy towels, fluffy dressing gown, and a bottle of bubbly or several bottles
All pressies wrapped by Tumbleflump Berry-Cracker
Delivered by Santa Claus
Merry Christmas everyone.